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Bouncing Back after a Break-Up

Let’s face it; Break-ups hurt!! It doesn’t really matter how long you’ve been in it, the fact that it’s over will sting, even if it's just a little; and sometimes that emotional pain can make you

Let’s face it; Break-ups hurt!!

It doesn’t really matter how long you’ve been in it, the fact that it’s over will sting, even if it’s just a little; and sometimes that emotional pain can make you feel physically broken….guess I guess that is why the term “break-up” is so applicable.

When I went through my divorce, I remember feeling hurt so badly that I would wake up feeling pain. I now know that feeling something emotional can have a profound effect on our physical body as well. I felt so depleted of energy and the lethargy from it just took its toll.

While at the time of the breakup the pain can seem insurmountable, there are certain steps that you can take to heal, ease the pain and to have a healthy future.

First things first, I want you to know that you are worthy of a most incredible life, so here are a few tips that you can start using today so that you too can bounce back from a breakup.


Prioritize Self-Care

For a long time after my breakup, I did not put self-care on the top of my list. Before I truly understood what it was I thought it was all about indulgent practices like spa days, manicures and pedicures, girls night out, and a bubble bath every now and then, and while these things are nice these are not the self-care that one should prioritize. Those are just all desires. Self-care is truly about opening yourself to be the best version of yourself. It’s about what your mind, body and soul need to be healthy. Self-care is about achieving balance and wellness.
Doing things like journaling, getting enough sleep, eating well, working out, and taking breaks from social media should all be parts of your self-care routine.


Be Kind to Yourself

When things don’t work out, it may not be because you did anything wrong. Things happen and when it’s after a breakup the blame game is not one you should be playing.
While it’s important to look at the situation to see what you can learn, adopt a compassionate attitude towards yourself rather than judging yourself harshly, so you don’t get stuck in guilt and shame.


Build Your Resilience

Breakups make even the strongest people feel small, helpless, and even hopeless at times, but if you stay optimistic and embrace some positive and positive approach to healing you can emerge from the breakup stronger and more resilient than ever. Resist the urge to get back into the relationship, accept the loss, don’t blame yourself, accept it and work on moving from negativity to more positive thoughts.

Value yourself as a person, knowing that you are in no way tied to how desirable one person finds you ― especially if that one person is your ex. Work on your confidence because when you are that person, you recognize that you’re still a major catch, even if your ex fails to recognize it.

“People who have a clear sense of who they are and what they contribute to a relationship understand that if someone doesn’t see or appreciate that, it’s their loss,” she said. “They don’t internalize the rejection or assume something is wrong with them. Instead, they look at the breakup as an opportunity to find someone who will truly see and love them for who they are, even with their shortcomings.” Bloch


Learn to Practice Joy

Some days you may not feel or desire to be happy, and the current situation may want to sap your joy if you let them. Sometimes the appropriate response to an event is something other than joy. But a smile and a joyous frame of mind improve even the worst situation. You don’t have to stay unhappy. You can decide to feel joyous and generate joy—no matter what. Joy is a Practice


Make a Decision to Gain Control

Breakups can make you feel out of control in your life, ask yourself what decisions you need to make. What tough decisions are you avoiding? How would making them help you take better care of yourself? Create a list of the decisions you could make in any aspect of your life—leave or stay at a job, move or stay where you are, start a new exercise program or continue to be a couch potato.

Even if you can’t move forward immediately, the decision to do so changes everything. You gain control and begin to see ways to take action—even small steps. You plan for action. And that gives you control.
Decide—for your sake and the sake of those in your life. Watch your destiny unfold and your life improve.


Find Growth Friends

If you don’t already have growth friends, find some. Look for friends with similar aspirations or dreams— Growth friends are interested in your personal development. These are people who might be more interested in your well-being. The people who will help you level up and achieve your dreams are those who are striving, aspiring, and moving courageously, confidently, and enthusiastically toward their dreams as well.

If you are growth-minded, you need growth friends. If you don’t feel like you are growth-minded but you want to be, you need growth friends to push you along and help you become one. They can take you to personal growth events, suggest things that can help you get out of your head, give you books to read, and discuss topics that make you think in new ways.


Pay attention to your thoughts.

Where your thoughts go, your energy flows. That means that wherever you focus your attention, your energy travels in that direction, too. It moves toward that condition, event, situation, or person—and amplifies it.
So, if you think about what you don’t want, your energy moves toward that and amplifies it—makes it greater, bigger, or more intense. You attract more of what you don’t want. And you don’t act towards the things you do. And you feel lousy. Your energy decreases and becomes damaging.

On the other hand, if you think about what you do want, that is exactly where your energy flows, in that direction, which increases the likelihood that your life will be impacted in positive ways. You will take action and attract what you desire. You’ll feel great, and your energy will be helpful rather than hurtful.

Failures and disappointment are difficult to deal with in any situation and even more so after a breakup. Expect to feel sad or angry and to be uncertain about your next steps. But, if you try the above steps and build a support system to keep you motivated while you undertake difficult changes that you are going through in outlook or strategy. You can move forward freely.

You can look at this process in another way. When you release from your life that which doesn’t serve you any longer, you set yourself free as well. You enable yourself to move forward freely toward your best self and your dreams.

When you let go of things you are holding onto that weigh you down, you lighten your load. This gives the ability to step faster and to leap higher.

It’s like a “Get Out of Jail” card. You give yourself the freedom to step into your best self and pursue your dreams.

Kimone Johnson


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